Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
