Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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