Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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