I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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