Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
