do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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