i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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