guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
