Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
