He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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