broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
