Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
