She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
