So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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