The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
