He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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