Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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