dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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