I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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