Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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