I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
