Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
