I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
