Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His nipple licking is glorious
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