I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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