I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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