Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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