i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
