Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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