I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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