plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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