You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
