I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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