Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
