she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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