I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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