I just threw up on my dentist
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
