Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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