I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
