fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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