If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
