I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
