My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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