He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
