i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
