I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
