Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
