she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
