you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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