Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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