It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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