Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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