Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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