He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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