I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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