Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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