awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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