i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
