I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
