Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
