Even the bartender felt bad for me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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