if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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