i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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