What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
