Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
