You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
