Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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