yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
