So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
