you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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