i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
