Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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