I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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