are you still at the devil's house?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
