I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
