you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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