Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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